The party has to end sometime
by V3mo
Summary: My take on what happened after the end of 14x13. Will go on to explore how April gets through her crisis of faith- with a little help from her friends. This is my first ever story so apologies for any mistakes ! TW self harm
1. Chapter 1

The four walls of Joe's bar had seen a lot of unusual sights. Kidneys in jars, Harper Avery nominee Christina Yang bartending gracing the bar with the never to be repeated "early on set Alzheimer's". When you're the local for Grey Sloane you have to expect a certain level of drama and Arizona had definitely seen her fair share. But the sight of April in the bar that night had to rival the best of them.

"Oh my god" Arizona looked on in horror recalling the conversation she'd had with Jackson that day. No this isn't April and it hurt to see her like this.

"Arizona !" April shouted excitedly having spotted her in the bar. "You joining us?" Roy asked his eyes glinting with the kind of look she'd often seen him give April. "Yeah join us" April responded holding out the tequila bottle she'd been drinking from to Arizona. Arizona took it from her and the interns started to get excited thinking they had another doctor party in their gang. As Arizona turned to the interns they very quickly realised that would not be the case. "Get me her things" Arizona said to them quietly. "NOW!" she ordered. As Glasses scuttled off she slammed the tequila bottle on the bar and grabbed April by the arm. "I'm not leaving" April said trying to wriggle out of Arizona's grip. She'd have a hard time manging that; years of wrestling with Tim had made Arizona strong. And beneath the wild façade April was tired, no match for a very determined Robbins. "Oh, you're leaving" Arizona replied. As Glasses returned he looked to be readying to open his mouth. Grabbing April's bag and coat before he had time to speak Arizona continued to drag April out from Joe's wondering how on earth they had got here.

It was cold out tonight, but April didn't look to be feeling it still fuelled by indignant anger at being dragged out by Arizona. "What's your problem" she snarled at Arizona "I'm just having a good time you should try it sometime". Arizona ignored her, opened her car door threw April's bag and coat in walked around and opened the passenger side door. "Get in" she said to April, seeing the lack of response she sighed and moved to grab April's arm again but perhaps mindful of earlier April got in the car. "I'm not a child Arizona" April protested sat scowling with her arms crossed, still determined to fight every battle. "No" Arizona agreed reaching over to put April's belt on "you're just acting like one". And with that Arizona set off.

As they pulled into Arizona's drive it seemed like April had finally given in and the human hurricane seen in the bar had shrunk to leave the young woman who seemed utterly battered by the world. She got out of the card wordlessly and followed Arizona in meekly which any many ways Arizona found worse.

"Ok" Arizona started "you wanna jump in the shower I'll leave some clothes outside for you, might even be my purple jumper I know you've had your eye on" .April half smiled and went upstairs .Heading to the kitchen Arizona grabbed a bowl from under the sink, she hoped wouldn't but strongly expected would be needed, along with a bottle of water from the fridge and painkillers that very much would be. Turning out the light she headed upstairs picking out the purple jumper she'd promised with a pair of tracksuit bottoms she had in a drawer leaving them outside the bathroom door. Throwing off the covers she took off her prosthetic and set it by her bed just as April came through the bedroom door quietly crying. "Oh April" Arizona sighed patting the space next to her on the bed April climbed in but turned away from Arizona not wanting her to see her like this. Arizona put her hands round April's waist and held her tightly. "I know you feel like everything is breaking and nothing can ever be right again, but I promise it will. You're April Kepner you're the girl who flies to warzones to help people, I see you and I know you can get through this. And until then I'll be here with you. So it's okay, I got you, I got you". With that April finally broke all her anger and pain flooding out. Arizona continued to hold her until eventually she fell asleep. Arizona leaned over and gently kissed April on the head and thought sadly that from what shed seen tonight it might be a long time to get her through. Turning off the light she thought there would be a lot to say tomorrow morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Arizona was up early the next morning padding round the kitchen lightly trying not to wake April. She texted Jackson- You were right about April. She's back at mine tell Bailey she's home sick today I'll talk to you later. Making a coffee she sat down, and Jackson's reply came in- ok. The text didn't say it, but she knew he was worried. She thought about that conversation with him how she'd told him April was just having fun, trying to find herself separate from him. She had believed that -she wanted April to have fun. But, if she was being honest with herself, maybe she hadn't looked hard enough. With Sofia, Carina, the competition there was so much on that she'd let the warning signs pass her by. The hook-ups with Roy, her guilt over Karen. April had told her she couldn't get to sleep without a bottle of wine a night the day of the project launch, but Arizona hadn't been listening; lost in her desire to move past Karen's death with her project she brushed aside April's. Arizona was listening now though, and she had to make sure April was listening too.

April descended the stairs looking like death. "Good morning" Arizona said with a lilt of sarcasm indicating she was aware for April it was anything but. April glared in response "uh stop speaking, what are you doing we need to get going". "I have the day off and you've rung in sick, coffee?" Arizona said sweetly but seeing the look on April's face she could see they had gone back to denial. They weren't going to be doing this the easy way.

"For God's sake who are you to decide things for me -going home from the bar, not going to work. I am an adult, I get to decide. So, I've had a few big nights who hasn't, I'm having fun. It's not like I'm the only one in this hospital- Grey drinks tequila like its water, your guy Alex is propping up the bar almost every night I don't see you dragging him home".

"Finished? "Arizona said simply. "Yeah, I'm finished, where's my stuff I'm going to the hospital" April asked already heading to the door.

"For another banana bag? No not this time, you're staying here we're going to sort this out. You've been lying to yourself but you're not lying to me. I know you're not ok".

April glared but Arizona wasn't backing down and April could see that. Arizona poured another cup of coffee and held it out, April took it from her and then went and sat on the sofa. Arizona, wondering if this was a breakthrough, went and sat next to her.

"Talk to me" Arizona implored. April was staring quietly into the distant intently avoiding her eye, Arizona opened her mouth to say something else but then April started quietly. "All my life I believed. I studied medicine, I saved lives. I tried to do the right thing. And for what. Did he care. No, he was too busy enjoying the carnage he created. He's been outdoing himself. Giving a brain surgeon a brain tumour. Making me deliver the baby of Matthew's wife the man who I caused so much pain to. I gave him that healthy baby and you'd think wouldn't you that would be enough for a just god that would cancel out the pain I caused him, and we could both move on. But no of course not, I had to go on and be there as his wife died cos it wasn't enough for me to be the cause of him losing one wife, god thought why not do two! I don't know what the point of anything is anymore so why bother, why not just carry on like this just take as much of everything as I can, hell to everything.

Arizona looked back at April trying to take it all in, she really was in a lot of pain. April took the second Arizona was processing as evidence she had nothing to offer.

"What would you know about it anyway you don't believe in anything ".

Arizona looked her straight in the eye. "You're right I don't believe in God I never have really, when I was growing up we might have gone to church at Christmas but that's about it. It was more Callie's department, so no I can't know how it feels to lose faith in God. But you're wrong to say I never believed in anything. I believed in Tim. He was a typical older brother always taking up an opportunity to fight his annoying little sister, but he always had my back. He was the first person who I told that I was gay and all he had to say was that he would dance so hard at my wedding. I watched him learn from my father growing up about being in the forces and so I had that knowledge like you did that's what he'd do. I believed in him always that he'd be the best soldier, but it was never in my imagination that he'd die. So when he did I fell apart like you are now".

April looked away from her, "I'm sorry".

"I don't know if you can believe in God again but either way I do know this has to stop. You don't want to carry on down this road, I can promise you that. I know you're having the worst time but lying to yourself won't solve anything- you're not partying, and you know it"

Arizona asked softly "Have you spoken to Jackson about this". April vigorously shook her head and Arizona sighed "he'd want to help you he still cares about you". Seeing the reluctance from April about this she decided not to push the subject; for now.

Careful to make her voice bright she said instead, "so, here's what's going to happen" putting her hand on April's leg. "We're going to go out today, take Sofia and Harriet to the park. And the next time you want to go wild, or cry or rage against the universe you're going to call me alright, not down tequila with the interns. I'm your friend April, I'm not going to let you self-destruct any longer. Clear?"

"Clear" April replied quietly. Arizona wrapped her arm round April's shoulder and gave her a hug, she hoped she'd got through to her "come on let's go".


	3. Chapter 3

In the days that followed it seemed to Arizona that perhaps everything now was on track with April. There were no more stories about "doctor party" among the corridors of the hospital and April wasn't seen starting her day with a banana bag for breakfast. Whenever Arizona caught a glimpse of her she seemed like her normal self, albeit a little quieter; tackling all the traumas Seattle had to offer with her usual no nonsense style. Glimpses really was the optimum word for it though and she had the distinct feeling April was avoiding her. While she was pleased April seemed to be improving, she was concerned that her friend no longer seemed to want to catch up with her.

As Arizona approached the nurses' station to answer a page she saw April reading a chart there and hurried to get to her.

"April" Arizona said brightly "how's it going "but April interrupted

"hi sorry just been paged see you later" and quickly hurried off in the opposite direction. Arizona sighed and was watching her walk away, so she didn't notice Amelia arrive behind her.

"Robbins thanks for answering my page I need a consult. Robbins?" Amelia prompted seeing her words pass Arizona by as she was still staring at April walking away.

"You ok?" Amelia queried.

"Yeah sorry, what do you need" Robbins replied plastering on her best smile.

"Is this about April" she asked again, seeing the torn look on Arizona's face about whether to reply to that Amelia responded, "it's a small hospital Arizona people talk".

Arizona sighed "I dragged her home from the bar the other night. I knew she was going out a lot; I thought she was just having some fun, but it was like watching another person. I tried to talk some sense into her and now she's avoiding me".

Amelia smiled and put her arm through Arizona's and started taking them both to the ward they needed to be in.

"You saw her when she was at her worst she's probably embarrassed, every time she sees you you remind her of that. Just keep an eye out for her and give her some space she'll come back to you".

Seeing Arizona look less than convinced she said again

"she'll be ok Robbins" making a mental note to keep an eye on her too.

Later Amelia found April in one of the on-call rooms playing with her salad.

"hey" Amelia said, "mind if I join you".

April looked up surprised, Amelia was normally to be found at lunch bickering with her sisters not eating alone with her in the on-call room.

"Did Arizona put you up to this?" April asked crossly, she knew the two were friendly after they had worked together to save Herman's life.

"Excuse me "Amelia responded indignantly sitting down next to her "nobody tells me who to have lunch with and today I am having lunch with my power of attorney".

April smiled at this, it was true unlikely as it was April was Amelia's power of attorney; she'd been named the person to make decisions for her after her tumour diagnosis. It was a scary few days where April hoped she wouldn't have to make those decisions. Luckily, she didn't, and Amelia seemed ok now even though the surgery has been incredibly painful for her.

"You're right I'm sorry"

"How's it all going" Amelia asked lightly

. There was something about Amelia's manner that made April decide to reply honestly. As much as she loved Arizona she could sometimes be a little full on, not unlike her self April had to admit, well her old self. Amelia on the other hand was perhaps the secret softie of the hospital. Unlike some who wore their hearts on their sleeves and loved to fix people up, Amelia was to be found bounding round the hospital acting like a superhero not the first to react to people's dramas. It wasn't that she didn't care though, she was fiercely loyal to her sisters and tried to help people where she could. She drew on the dark and twistiness that surrounded her and would quietly support people. She knew Amelia of all people wouldn't judge her.

"Arizona dragged me home from Joe's and everyone's talking about it. I can feel everyone staring at me and Arizona's driving me mad. I hate her pitying me and she's on me every chance she gets trying to check I'm not necking ethanol from the lab".

Amelia smiled "firstly, I know it sucks to be hospital gossip, but they'll move on they always do. And on Robbins I heard enough stories about her when I was at Hopkins to get her off your back there. That's a girl who can drink Sambuca let me tell you".

April smiled at this, but Amelia responded more seriously.

"but you know she's just worried about you. You're not the first person to try drown out their problems in alcohol, I think you know that" she said with a smirk- Amelia's substance issues were well known. "Everyone just wants you to be ok- me included".

"You know where I am if you want to talk", Amelia said kindly getting up and walking to the door. Turning back to face April before she left the room, with a mischievous grin on her face she said,

"or if you ever want to hear an Arizona story- Halloween fancy dress disaster is a classic".

As she left the room April smiled maybe it wasn't all so bad. She just needed to her act together, she was going to focus on what mattered, Harriet her job and get everything back on track.

X

Amelia's prediction did indeed prove to be correct – hospital gossip moved on and, in many ways, it was almost like the last few weeks hadn't happened. April seemed her usual perky self she started to stop and speak to Arizona much to her delight. Arizona thought everything was back to normal and instead of asking her if she was ok in a concerned whisper every other breath as she had initially, she spoke of her pride at Sofia's achievements in school and regaled in typical Arizona enthusiasm the joys of her sex boom with Carina. To everyone it seemed like April was fixed.

Amelia thought so too until one day she was passing April in the hall way. April was stood sideways on in the corridor looking at her pager and Amelia was hurrying past not looking completely where she was going. As she walked past April she bumped into her hitting her in the leg. Amelia opened her mouth to apologise but before she managed it she heard April moan "ow" quietly. Amelia looked at April in concern, she hadn't hit her that hard, there was only one reason why it would be painful for her. April's face burned with shame.

"April" Amelia started but April was already rushing off in the other direction not caring where she was going as long as it was away from here.


	4. Chapter 4

Unfortunately, April couldn't hide forever. Later that night Amelia had tracked her down to the on-call room where she'd been hiding. Coming in quietly Amelia locked the door behind her and sat next to her on the bed. As April braced herself for a lecture she instead was asked a question.

"You never really knew Addison, did you?"

April responded surprised, "Doctor Montgomery Shepherd? "No, she'd left as an attending before we merged. I know she came back to help Sofia after the crash, but I've never had much to do with her".

Amelia smiled, "Addison was the best sister I ever had growing up which was funny really as out of all the ones I had she was my sister in law. I first met her when I was a teenager, she'd just started dating Derek. I was going through a rough patch, the first of my many rough patches" she smirked.

"I would come home from school and I'd hurt myself".

April looked away at this.

"I thought no one knew, by the time everyone came back I'd come down for dinner with a smile on my face and so no one was the wiser. Then one day Addison came by after school, I told her she was too early for Derek, but she said it was me she'd come to see. She came into my room looked me in the eye and said I know what you're doing. My heart started racing but I tried to bluff it out said I had no idea what she was talking about. But she sat down next to me turned my arm over".

Amelia did the same to April.

"She asked if she needed to pull the sleeve up and I said no."

"My stomach iced over, and I thought she was going to tell everyone, my mum, Derek. My face was like yours earlier today. She asked if I needed stitches, but she knew I wouldn't I was in a house of doctors I'd learnt a few tricks."

"Then she said to me I think I get it. Sometimes it's easier to ignore what you're feeling just drown it all out. I stared at her because that's exactly how it felt for me. She told me she wouldn't tell anyone if I'd let her be there for me, and she was".

April looked down at the floor the story resonated with her- she wanted to drown everything out too it was easier to feel physical pain and ignore all the other thoughts and darkness in her head. But she wasn't a teenager she was a surgeon, a mother, she shouldn't be doing this.

"Do you need stitches?"

April shook her head still not looking at Amelia.

"I'm not going to tell anyone April" Amelia said. April's body released the tension she didn't know she'd been holding.

"You could though".

"Surgeons act like we have all the answers, but we really don't. There's no shame in asking for help. I know it feels that way, take it from the girl who had to go back to work after a spell in rehab with everyone knowing. There's staff counsellors on the third floor here they're good I've used them myself. No one needs to know".

At the thought of the counsellors April suddenly exploded at Amelia.

"Why does everyone in this hospital suddenly think they have the right to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. The cripple, the junkie I mean is there anyone else you want to send in to lecture me. I mean Karev almost blinded a guy last year let's get him in. When will you all just leave me alone".

Amelia was shocked at the outburst, she'd never seen April like that. She knew she was an addict but to hear it spat with such venom hurt. Even worse was how she described Arizona who she knew April was close with.

Amelia gently touched April's left leg; the leg she'd hit earlier.

"This wont end well, remember what I said before its too late" she said quietly, unlocked the door and left.

April sat alone with silent tears rolling down her face.

X

April was home alone, Jackson had Harriet tonight. She'd ignored Arizona's advice and hadn't spoken to him, but she often shied away from the intensity of the concern in the looks he gave her. He hadn't tried to speak to her again, but he didn't need to, he could see her every feeling like it was written across her face and she hated it.

A collection of this week's empty bottles stood on the table and April was determined to add to it. In the last few days since she'd been cornered by Amelia she'd withdrawn again, she got in as late as she could manage, left as early as she could. She'd found a great store room to hide in on the fifth floor. She'd resumed drinking heavily but did so alone having learnt the lessons of mixing controversial behaviour, a public venue and interns. She was still hurting herself. She heard what Amelia was saying but sometimes everything just felt too hard and no matter how many times she tried to do something different by 2am the result was always the same. Cuts not deep enough for stitches in places not easily seen.

Tonight, was no different. She was just so, so tired of all of this. Picking up the scalpel she'd brought home she hurt herself again. The combination of the alcohol, pain and general brokenness left her passed out on the living room floor.

X

The attendings had gathered in the staff room at the end of their shift. Maggie, Meredith and Jackson were involved in a spirited debate about who would eventually win the surgery contest while Arizona and Karev were sat discussing Kimmie's case. Amelia walked in after her last surgery of the day ready to carpool home with her sisters.

Seeing Arizona, she decided to check if she'd heard from April. Although she hadn't approached her again, after the verbal tongue lashing her last attempt to help had resulted in, she was still concerned for her.

"Hey, Robbins, you got a sec" Amelia asked.

"Don't mind me I've got to go back and check on Kimmie anyway" Alex said to Amelia and she responded with an understanding nod, they'd both been affected by this case.

"Have you heard from April recently?" Amelia said quietly just in case the others heard ,although judging by Maggie's now boastful claims she would be rubbing the prize money in their faces, it seemed unlikely.

"No, I haven't seen her for days" Arizona responded.

Amelia sighed.

"Am I missing something?" Arizona asked, starting to become concerned.

"It's nothing don't worry about it" Amelia said trying her best to be nonchalant.

"Amelia".

"Fine, we had words the other day. I was trying to help her, and she exploded at me".

"What did she say" Arizona asked.

Seeing Amelia's reluctance to elaborate she pressed the point again.

"Amelia what did she say".

"She said she was sick of everyone thinking they had the right to tell her what to do".

Thinking this was worrying but fairly mild, Arizona realised there was something more.

"And the rest" she demanded.

"She said she was sick of everyone telling her what she should do. The junkie"

dreading saying the next part she took a breath and whispered quietly "the cripple"

Arizona looked furious.

"I'm sorry Arizona she didn't mean it she was just lashing out, are you ok?" Amelia said concerned how Arizona would react.

"Oh I'm not ok this has got to stop" Arizona said angrily getting up and leaving the room.

As Amelia watched her leave she felt a little worried for April, knowing that an angry Robbins was a very scary thing to behold.

X

Arizona arrived at April's in record speed, her anger at what she'd been told by Amelia making her unconsciously rev the accelerator. She was glad Sofia was out tonight, she was staying over at her friend's after her play rehearsal. The thought of Sofia's excitement about the upcoming performance briefly calmed her down but seeing the lights on in April's house she quickly regained her anger.

She knocked forcefully on the door.

"April, I know you're in there, I can see the lights, I'm not leaving til we talk".

There was no response from the house.

"April" Arizona shouted again.

Again, silence.

"Fine you asked for it ".

Taking the spare key, she knew she hid under the flower pot to the right, she let herself in.

"Listen lady what the hell do you think you're playing …" she said entering the living room.

Before Arizona could finish she saw the sight of April sprawled across the living room floor.

"Oh God, April" she said running over to her.

Arizona shook her "April, April".

April started to stir, and Arizona breathed a sigh of relief. She rolled April into the recovery position and then caught sight of the bottles. Just as she was going resignedly to the kitchen to get the standard sober up kit, her eyes caught sight of the blood covered scalpel lying on the table. She saw the blood which had seeped through the inner sleeves on the top of her arms.

"April" Arizona whispered, "Oh April I'm so sorry".

She sat down on the floor next to her in shock. After a few seconds she got up and went to the kitchen to find a first aid kit. Sitting quietly on the floor she started the sad task of trying to fix up her friend.


	5. Chapter 5

"April!" an excited small voice announced, "are you having a sleepover with Mommy?". April opened her eyes confused and eventually attributed the voice to Sofia who was sat on the bed next to her. Looking around again she noticed she wasn't in her own bed but in Arizona's. While this helped to explain Sofia's presence, it threw up several questions, the most significant being -what happened last night?

"Hey Sofia, yeah I did" she responded though in truth she couldn't confirm this.

"What's that?" Sofia asked. As April followed her gaze she realised she was asking about the drip in her hand hanging from the headboard- again surprising information.

"It's medicine, it has a silly name they call it a banana bag".

"Seriously" Sofia giggled.

"Are you sick?" she asked a look of concern coming over her face.

"I'm fine don't worry" April said reassuring the little girl who brightened again.

"Did you hear about my role in the play?".

"I did it's amazing well done".

"Will you come watch?"

. April paused at this surprised "you want me to come?"

"Of course she does" Arizona said entering the room for the first time, "she wants auntie April there". Sofia nodded excitedly to confirm and April smiled touched at the gesture.

Addressing Sofia now "baby why don't you go practice your lines and you can show us both later" and Sofia left happily.

When Sofia had left April raised her drip attached hand slightly- "I thought you didn't approve of these?"

"Things change"

"This is becoming a habit Arizona" April said with disdain

"Isn't it just" Arizona responded, in her case alluding to April's frequent drunken breakdowns rather than April's concern over waking up at Arizona's again.

"Is this your way of hitting on me. I mean we both know one girlfriend isn't always enough right?"

Ouch, Arizona thought, that was low. Biting the inside of her mouth she was determined not to rise to the bait – it wasn't important.

"Do you even remember last night?"

April had to concede she did not. Reviewing the evidence of her slowly improving head and throbbing arm she could guess what she'd done last night. As to how she came to be with a drip in Arizona's house however, she was less certain.

"I found you passed out last night, I brought you back here. God knows how long you'd been like that or what would have happened if I hadn't come round".

"What were you even doing at my house?" April asked still sounding irritated.

"I thought I'd give you a chance to call me a cripple to my face".

Damn, April thought ,Shepherd told tales. Well at least she'd done as she said and kept her other secret.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. It was a long day Shepherd was winding me up".

"I don't care about that April".

"Ok well I am sorry anyway and thanks for patching me up last night won't happen again. I'll get out of your hair "April said briskly trying to get away as soon as possible.

Throwing off the covers to get up she registered for the first time that these weren't her clothes she was wearing. Only Arizona would wear this shade of pink.

"Yeah I helped you change last night" Arizona said quietly ,the words heavy with the weight of what hadn't yet been said.

As April took in the significance of this she sat down again. She knew, she'd seen.

X

"How long has it been going on?" Arizona asked.

"A few weeks" April replied.

Arizona winced in response and replayed the previous weeks in light of this new information; she thought April had managed to move on but clearly, she'd read the situation wrong again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked then regretted it, while it was an important question for her she probably should have left it for later.

"I knew what you'd do; give me a lecture and go all into crisis mode"

Charming, Arizona thought. "Well I wouldn't say I'm giving you a lecture but yeah I guess I'm nearing crisis mode. Maybe you would too if you'd found your friend passed out and covered in blood".

April said nothing to that not sure there was anything that could be said.

"Why do you do it?" Arizona asked quietly.

"I don't know, so many reasons, it's hard to explain".

Arizona sighed "you know you need help, right" she said with her typical lack of diplomacy. She loved and supported her friends, but she also told them what she, anyway, thought they needed to hear.

"Your psych skills are pretty ropey you should probably work on that "April teased with a smile trying to shift the conversation with an attempt at humour.

Arizona wasn't to be deterred. "Do you know how serious last night could have been. What if you had needed stitches you'd have been bleeding out all night. Or you could have choked".

"But I didn't I'm a doctor I know what I'm doing"

It was time to bring out the big guns. "What about Harriet if you got an infection from these cuts or pass out again what would happen to her".

"I wouldn't hurt her" April said trying to hold back tears.

"I know you wouldn't. But these things can spiral and soon you're not in control of it anymore. We can go today get you an appointment I'll come with you"

"April?" Arizona prompted unsure of what she would say but really hoping April was finally ready to face this.

"Ok" April said in a small voice.

Thank god Arizona thought.

"You won't regret it. It might take some time, but you'll get there" Arizona garbled aware that everything sounded like a platitude but not knowing anything better. "Your drip's finished come on we should go in" nudging April to get up.

April instead turned and said almost inaudibly "promise you won't tell him".

There was no need to clarify who him was. Before Arizona could even start that he'd want to help her April said stronger this time "promise me, you told him before, so you owe me, you won't tell him this".

"April …".

"Promise me".

Arizona sighed, as much as she hated it she didn't want to lose risking April a second time.

"I promise"

Satisfied April got up to get ready, but Arizona hadn't finished "on one condition…"

"No, no conditions, you owe me this" April protested.

"Come stay with me for a few days."

"Look its sweet of you to offer but I don't need a babysitter" April said already on the defensive at any accusation she couldn't look after herself.

Arizona raised an eyebrow but chose not to press the point about what she'd seen last night. "I'm not your babysitter I'm your friend. I'm not going to spy on your every moment just it might be better if you're not on your own right now. And that doesn't make you weak it just makes you human".

April sighed "you're not going to let me say no, are you?".

"No" Arizona concurred brightly. "Besides Harriet can spend time with Sofia; have a friend to play with".

"Ok" April relented and with that the two surgeons got ready and headed into hospital.

X

As they arrived at the elevator to get to the third floor April paused. "I, I can't do this" she stuttered.

"Yes, you can "Arizona said reassuringly "I know it's scary, but you can".

"I don't want to" aware even as she said it how childish she sounded, noticing Arizona's hand on her back gently pushing her forward into the lift rather than allowing her to run in the other direction which she very much wanted to.

"I know sweetie, but you have to. Otherwise nothing will change, and you deserve to be ok, not managing like this".

"What would you say if it was me instead?"

It was a good question, she wouldn't want to watch Arizona feel like this or even anyone else.

"But it's not..."

"Ok. Look me in the eye and tell me if this was me you'd let me not take the lift. If you can we'll go".

It was useless ,she couldn't do it.

As they finally got in the lift it was April who pressed the button for 3. As much as she'd rather go anywhere else on the planet she was still April Kepner, if she had to go up there then she'd be the one getting herself there.


	6. Chapter 6

Arizona was coming down in the lift from the third floor where she'd left April. Hopefully in time she'd get there and at least now she knew how April was feeling she could keep an eye on her.

As she stepped out of the lift a hand grabbed her arm from behind and pushed in the store room next door. Turning around in alarm to see what was happening she saw Jackson stood facing her. He had his back to the door blocking her exit.

"What the hell man" Arizona exclaimed.

"I just saw you and April go up to the third floor. I know something's going on and she wont talk to me. Please Arizona I'm Harriet's dad I need to know, I just want to help".

"Look she's staying at mine for a few days alright I'll look after her".

"Why is she staying at yours. Is she safe, should she be having Harriet? Jackson asked in alarm.

"Of course she is she'd never hurt Harriet, you know that" Arizona responded quickly, the last thing April needed is to not see Harriet.

"Then why is she at yours. And why didn't she come to me if she needed to be with anyone- she should have come straight here I was her husband for God's sake".

"I know that, and I've tried to tell her but maybe you can't be that person for her right now as much as you want to be. I'm sorry I know it's frustrating just give her some time ok. I promise you, I've got this".

Jackson just nodded. In truth he couldn't understand why April shut him out. Although they were divorced she was still the first person he'd go to if he was hurting. Why couldn't she do the same?

"She will come back to you Jackson" Arizona said approaching him at the door.

He hesitated for a second then moved aside so she could leave; what more was there to say.

He just had to hope Arizona was right.

The Robbins' house fell into a steady rhythm after a few days of April staying. After picking Sofia up from school Arizona would play with Sofia while April cooked dinner. Although Arizona had tried to suggest she didn't need to she knew April could never have been happy if she felt she wasn't being helpful. Plus, she was a much better cook, a fact Sofia remarked on one night at dinner in a child's typically undiplomatic way. Sofia also loved the nights Harriet stayed playing with her like she was one of her dolls.

On a night Arizona tried to assess how April was doing glancing at her out of the corner of her eye in what she thought was a subtle way. It apparently wasn't as April eventually told her to stop staring. Although she didn't talk about the sessions she was having they seemed to be helping.

For her part April liked staying at Arizona's. It was harder to be down with a child as joyful as Sofia around. She tried not to let Arizona's obvious concern grate on her too much. At least she'd stopped the staring even if she hadn't reinstated the spirits from wherever she'd stashed them.

This particular Thursday they were treated to a preview of Sofia's upcoming performance. After enjoying the adulation from her audience she'd taken ages to cajole upstairs. Eventually she went, and the two women were left alone downstairs on the sofa.

"Arizona" April started tentatively.

"mhm"

"I'm going to go back to mine. Not that I'm not grateful but I can't stay here forever."

"You sure" Arizona queried. Part of her worried that they'd return to the dangerous drunken evenings.

" You're welcome to stay as long as you want I mean as we both know I'm always open to two girlfriends" she said with a wink in reference to April's comment a few days ago.

"Ha ha" April said drily. "I'm sure, I know you're going to worry about me but I'm ok"

Arizona smiled "but you talk to me this time don't shut me out ok?"

"ok" April agreed.

Arizona felt the time was probably right to raise the subject again. "You should talk to Jackson too, he wants to help".

April didn't say anything but that was an improvement.

Getting up she touched Arizona's shoulder "I'm going to go pack" she smiled.

"Oh, and if you miss the show next week there'll be hell to pay" Arizona instructed.

"Understood- you don't mess with a Robbins, definitely not two of them".

At work the next day she found Amelia outside Kimmie's room looking through the window despondently.

"Hey" April prompted nervously.

"Hey" Amelia replied with a smile.

"I'm so sorry about what I said" April started

"Don't worry about it" Amelia responded.

"No, it was cruel you were trying to be kind and I threw it in your face. And you're not a junkie – I mean you're an addict, but you know well you're a recovering …"

Amelia put her hands on April's shoulders to stop her babbling.

"The last person who called me a junkie was my friend Charlotte in LA. I was her maid of honour, she said we were junkie BFFs. When she tried to be kind to me and help when I was back on drugs I threw her rape in her face. Junkie seems mild in comparison".

April opened her mouth to protest but Amelia jumped in first.

"You were hurting I know it wasn't you. Stop beating yourself up you're a good person". She headed off down the corridor and called back to April with a smirk "I only have the best for my power of attorney so let's pick it up Kepner".

April thought wryly I'm going to take that as apology accepted. She followed Amelia down the corridor and thought there was more conversation she needed to have.

It was the end of her shift and she was just preparing to collect Harriet from day-care.

"April" Jackson said as he approached April.

"Hey" April replied.

Jackson looked to be considering what to say but April asked the first question.

"Do you want to get that coffee now?".


End file.
